Bastard from a basket

I just finished watching Paul Thomas Anderson latest modern classic (I've said this after watching ALL his movies, give me some cred eh?) There Will Be Blood and I can't come up with one single negative thing about it. Mr. Anderson (along with Aronofsky and González Iñárritu) will be remembered as the omni-director (i.e director, screenwriter, producer) of our time.

Why you might ask! I'll tell you why.

1. He has done the deed of squeezing out good (and in some cases brilliant) performances from otherwise bad actors. Philip Baker Hall, Tom Cruise, Adam Sandler and Daniel Day-Lewis to name a few.

2. He found work for Emily Watson AND made her look some-what hot.

3. He made a three hour long opus about the cock TWICE (Penis <3 1,2)

4. He can take pretty much anything (A dumped organ, A Rain of Frogs, A line like "I drink your milkshake!") and make them work.

5. He leaves in goodies for movie-nerds to find, it's like wheres waldo of cinema (There Will Be Blood was a beyond the grave blowjob to Kubrick).

If you haven't seen it yet, you haven't seen it.
And if you take your movie tips from a blog you shouldn't see it.

"DRAINAGE!"

Under the microscope

Me and this other person can really get on eachothers nerves. Don't get me wrong, we love eachother and all is well with a little kiss and cuddle but still.. We can push buttons on eachother and once in a while we do.

I knew this from before that I have the ability to really get under peoples skin. I seldom used my superpowers for evil but it was there. I knew how to dissect the many different layers of the persons personality and get to the core.

This is an example.

Social layer: Many dear friends
Outer layer: Pretty and fashionable
Mental layer: Intelligent

So, let's review this person. He/she has many friends. Why? The person is good looking and intelligent, that draws people to him/her. Because the person is very social he/she spends alot of time NOT ALONE. Human nature tells us that we are scared of change in our lives (of course change can both be good and bad, but for every change there will be second-guessing.). So if one were to go for the core of this person there would be two ways.

Core 1: Imply that even though the person has many friends, he/she is still alone?
Core 2: Ask the person what he/she would be without their apperances or intellect?

BUT why would you ask these things in the first place? I mean, these are probably thoughts that the person already have had. The human race is good at putting themselves under the microscope before others.

I have a good way of noticing patterns and layers in people around me. It's an ability I both Love and Hate. If you know me I probably know the perfect way of either irritate you or making you feel sad. However, I don't want too. If you know me I probably like or love you too much to hurt you.

I blame being a big brother.

Writing down the essentials

Part 1

I like to concider myself a writing man. Whenever I clean my room I stumble across poems and stories I wrote way back. Doesn't mean that I'm good at it (I leave that to my readers) but it's something I will always do.

A big proof is that whenever I feel down or up I think about my feelings in a viewers perspective. I am a character in my view of the world. In the story of my life I can do anything. Whenever faced with a dilemma I see the stories of picking route A or B before my eyes. Will our hero choose door 1 or 2?

Before I make up my mind, this is what I do, I go through every single outcome that may come. Shape it into a timeline, make parallels of past experiences, make up the future made upon every decision I make. Process, process, process and in the end everything I do is a story.

That's the wonder of story-telling. Life is a story and a story is your life.

The point of stories would go lost I wasn't Raskalnikov and Raskalnikov wasn't me. In the first chapter of Crime and Punishment he counts the steps between his safe but poor students room towards the house and events that will shape him forever.

Like I said, that's me. I am Holden Caulfield, I am William Lee.
And they are me.

I hold every single outcome.


Part 2

This guy is the bomb, if you haven't you need to pick up a copy of the movie "Slam".



I want my money back. I'm down here drowning in your fat. You got me on my knees praying for everything you lack. I ain't afraid of you. I'm just a victim of your fears. You cower in your tower praying that I'll disappear, I got another plan, one that requires me to stand. On the stage or in the street, don't need no microphone or beat. And when you hear this song, if you ain't dead then sing along. Bang and strum to these here drums til you get where you belong.

An adorable nihilist takes on fate

Ive been listening alot to a certain song by Kent the last few days "Nihilisten" (The Nihilist). The lyrics goes something like this:

You look like death, the dream's sister. With the same key around your neck. An adorable nihilist with painted black nails. You're your own Jean Duval.

I hear you whisper about you friend who dared the leap of the bridge. In your version she becomes the heroine, as if it was a matter of courage.

And no, I'm not suicidal, quite the opposite. For me the lyrics are about taking your destiny on. Some people I know believes in fate, "good things will come.." , I don't believe in that. Bad things will mix with good things and the only power you have to have any say in what happens is to "do".

I know people who've told me that god has a plan for me.
Doesn't that speak against the idea of "free will".
Of course I dont believe in either fate or free will. I believe that we're locked and sealed in doing what our hormones want. We eat, we sleep, we have sex and we love because our bodies tells us to. I am happy with that.

Believing in fate is letting go for me.

Let's say that the idea of fate was proved to be correct. The idea of law and moral would lose its meaning. I could murder someone and call myself a "victim of fate". I could eat myself fat and demand insurance because I had no say in what I did.

This, of course, is an extreme.

Ok, I'm done for now.

Backdrift

I've been forced to trail backwards these last couple of days.
And today I'm having a fever.

I can, if I want to, go back but what is the point? Right? It would lead to a table, on top of a table, on top of a table.. and on the last table there are photos, used tickets and pounding fists.

So I won't.

I have a friend who says I play with every word in my mouth, every thought in my mind. And I do. We both know it. His words are different, pure but dull with a fact backing up every sentence. He says that I'm a bag of salt, explains how water can't get in.

It's still snowing. It snowed yesterday. I hope it won't snow tomorrow.
You can't back up words like "hope".
So he tells me not to use them.

But this isn't about him, it's just that the past has a way of distorting facts.
The way that memory plus memory doesn't make another memory,
he told me that there isn't a thing called a unique thought.

I guess it doesn't matter but this is what I'm carrying around on my sail of canvas I'm dragging behind me.

But for now:

In my room there are two bookshelves, not a single book bought after I was born. And everytime there's a picture I hear how much alike we are. I think it's time to buy my own books. These just wont give me anything.

I did this simile for a friend. Imagine a tunnel that you're digging. Your will to do so is stuck in the past, your goal is burried in the future. Living for "now" is a lie lie lie.

I guess I could go back, but I wont.